Want a Better Restaurant Meal? Don't Ask Your Server This Question

Restaurant menus can be intimidating. Ordering while dining out is a one-shot deal, and once the kitchen gets your order, you're committed to the food that lands on your table. As you wait, the gnawing doubts creep in: Did I choose wisely? Am I missing out on something? Will one glance at the neighboring table flood me with food envy? No one wants to leave a restaurant having spent good money on a meal with a dreaded case of menu FOMO.

Which is why it can feel so good to let someone else take the wheel—whether it's a food-savvy friend, a local eager to show off their favorite spot, or, best of all, the server who knows the menu inside and out. Handing over the responsibility of choosing what to eat can be exhilarating. In the best-case scenario, it means no stress, second-guessing, or lingering doubt. Just sip your drink, enjoy the conversation, wait for the food to arrive, and eat. And if the meal doesn't hit the mark? At least it wasn't your fault.

But getting good guidance isn't as simple as asking "What's good here?" There's a better way to work with your server that revolves around what to ask, what not to ask, and how to avoid common misconceptions, so you can order with confidence every time you dine out and enjoy an unforgettable meal.

What You Shouldn't Ask Your Server

After nearly a decade working in restaurant kitchens, I've heard enough exasperated servers complain about being asked the same question again and again: "What do you recommend on the menu?" And it's not because they don't want to help—quite the opposite. A good restaurant staff member wants you to have an excellent experience and will do everything they can to make sure of it. But this particular question won't necessarily lead you to the perfect order.

"It's tough when someone asks me what I recommend, because my palate might not match theirs," Ronnie, a server at Frenchette—an elevated French bistro in New York's Tribeca neighborhood—told me. "What I think is exciting could be way off their tastes." Zach Miller, a seasoned server in the Hudson Valley, shares the same sentiment, calling "What do you recommend?" a loaded question—especially "before we've even had the chance to get comfortable with each other." He points out the obvious tension: "What I like isn't going to be what you like! Plain and simple."

For Miller, the best way to handle it is by shifting the spotlight back to the diner. As someone fielding the question multiple times during a busy service, he says he prefers to redirect the conversation by asking guests instead: "What do you typically enjoy?" From there, he explains, he can "plug and play" menu items into that baseline, giving a recommendation that reflects the diner's preferences rather than his own.

The idea of the perfect order is deeply personal. Many servers develop adventurous, seasoned palates simply by the nature of their work. They're tasting, trying, and learning about food all the time. While a server might be thrilled about the slow-braised tripe or the pan-fried sweetbreads, you might not be. Personally, if I see offal on a menu, chances are I'm going to order it—but would I recommend it to someone whose palate and life experiences I know nothing about? Probably not. 

Diners might also fall back on a similar question: "What's popular on the menu?" Ronnie believes the savvier approach is to reframe the question: "Ask about the concept of the restaurant and let the server guide you through what the chef intended." That way, the diner still makes the final call, but with more context than someone else's preferences.

And yes, that requires something of the diner too. "A little openness and trust," Ronnie said, "and not just sticking to safe choices. That's what makes the experience memorable—it opens you up to new things and expands your palate."

How to Nail Your Food Order

If you want a server's help without putting them on the spot, the key is to give them something to work with. A little context goes a long way—it turns the conversation from "decide for me" into "help me make the best choice for myself."

• This goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway. Always tell your server about any food allergies or restrictions before you place your order. It keeps you safe and saves the kitchen staff from having to remake your dish on a busy night. Luckily, most servers will ask about allergies and restrictions before diving into a menu discussion.
• Share your preferences. Give a quick sense of your likes, dislikes, or current mood. Maybe you love fish, you're craving something lighter, or you don't enjoy cream-forward dishes. Perhaps you're really hungry and want something hearty. All of this information gives the server direction.
• Say you're open (if you are). If you're truly up for anything, be direct and tell them. Saying something like "I'm not picky—I'd love to try whatever the staff is most excited about" signals that you're adventurous and open to being guided.

Ask better questions. Instead of "What do you recommend?", try questions that spark a more helpful answer, such as, "Which dishes best capture the spirit of this restaurant?", "Is there something on the menu people often overlook that deserves attention?", and "What's seasonal or new that the kitchen is excited about?"

The Truth About Upselling

Of course, there is the common lingering suspicion some diners carry with them: Is my server just pushing me toward the most expensive thing on the menu? Or worse, are they trying to unload whatever the kitchen just wants to get rid of?

High-price upselling: It's more of a misconception than truth. Yes, tips are a percentage of the bill, but for most servers, the difference between selling a $30 entrée vs. a $40 entrée isn't big enough to justify risking guest satisfaction. What matters more is a happy guest who tips well and maybe returns. A strong tip from a happy dinner on a $100 check beats a poor tip from a grumpy diner on a $140 check.

Chef-directed pushes: This does happen, but it's usually about freshness or inventory management, not deception. If rainbow trout is over-ordered or at its peak freshness, a chef may tell the floor, "Push the trout!" Sometimes it's framed positively ("It's beautiful tonight"), but yes, that's part of restaurant life. This doesn't mean you're getting something bad. Often, the "push" item is genuinely good, just abundant.

So don't assume a recommendation is a hustle. If you give your server some context about what you like, you'll usually get steered toward something that works best for you.

The Takeaway

When the reservation is hard to get or the meal feels like a splurge, the pressure to order well only heightens. That's exactly why the usual "What do you recommend?" misses the mark. A better move is to start a real conversation. For an hour or two, your server is your guide. Tell them what you're after, and you'll set yourself up for a memorable meal. And when it's over, you can pat yourself on the back for being the diner who didn't annoy the staff with a question they've heard a thousand times before.